Our assignment was to write a monologue for a character that we must conjure from an obituary listing. I felt uneasy doing it at first, but was startled by the results.
Check it out if you want.
I won't ever forget this one time. Ok, I think it's was the fall of '76. Our agency's pitched new business to FedEx. Formally, Federal Express. Anyway, I wasn't a creative, never touched a paintbursh or messed with type settings in my life. I mean I was the president, finding the right pond so my creative directors could fasten the bait to the hook and fish. All right. So, I'm in the middle of this pitch; we have to present this new logo. Back then, agencies first had to show their chops and then the company chooses to fork over the ad account or not. So, I'm sweating bullets right out of a turret gun and we haven't even shown the damn thing yet. Then my creative guy unveils this...this "type treatment." I mean I am not seeing any monumental, game-changing concept here, and he has this big, proud smile on his face like he just won the fucking lottery. Trust me, if you could've seen the look on the face of FedEx's CMO...wait, now wait. It gets worse. The CMO asks me to explain the concept. Me! I don't know jack, understand? We're talking a 100 million dollar global account on the line here. One sentence out of my mouth makes or breaks the agency. And...you know what I say? I'll never forget it. I say..."Well, sir, first of all, this logo mark modernizes the company for not just today's business but tomorrow's opportunities. We also abbreviated your brand name to make it more accessible, as well as give it an air of speediness, which reflects your service." Now, mind you, I'm layin' it on real thick, and pulling this stuff right out of my ass at this point; my dress shirt is soaked, I've got pit sweat down to my belt buckle. And it was then...right then...I see it in the logo. As plain as day, screaming out to me, begging for its subliminal message to be told to...anyone. So, I say to this curmudgeon, "And, sir, notice you can see an inverted arrow between the E and the X in the type. That'll pierce the consciousness of your consumer, not to mention, signify your company moving forward for years, even decades to come." Silence. My creative director's jaw is on the floor. Nobody breathes for I swear, two minutes. Suddenly, a thunder of applause from their board. By this time, I am completely drenched and on the brink of passing out. The CMO's shaking my hand until it's about to clear fall off and I'm thinking, "I can't believe we just pulled this bitch off." And...that's how we won FedEx...
So, Doctor, I know a thing or two about pressure, and hardship for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of what sort of mess I'm in here. My myeloma is malignant, and this chemo, at my age, could kill me. Look, I've fought too many battles not to fight this one. My wife of 46 years, my children, and my grandchildren are waiting outside for me right now, so I'll see you first thing Tuesday morning. Oh, and don't forget to get me one of those hospital gowns that doesn't leave your ass exposed.
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